Bigfoot and the missing link

So where exactly does Bigfoot fit into the evolutionary tree? Is it human? Is it an ape? Is it a mammal at all? Is it from another dimension? No. No it’s not. No it’s really really not. But seriously we got this 9 foot tall primate hanging around North america with no fossil record or no idea where the hell it came from or fits in.

If it exists that is. I can already hear steven streufert thinking that over at the coalition: https://www.facebook.com/groups/smartbigfoot/. Got into a debate with him last night about objective reality and while I was ultimately proved wrong I stil feel I should mention the other side of the fence. I’m writing this blog from the position Bigfoot exists when I should be saying it doesn’t scientifically and I require proof.

But I Digress.

From my perspective there is a 9 foot tall Ape wandering North America. I base this on eye witness accounts, footprint casts and the two or three films we have that arn’t total garbage. You know what I can solve this whole thing with a meme. Here you go steven:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/smartbigfoot/ Coalition. It’s cool there.

Anyway so where does Bigfoot fit in into the human evolutionary line: Well it doesn’t not really. According to the fossil record human beings didn’t make it to north america until during the last ice age. Last time I checked the prevailing theory was we crossed the bering strait from Russia and that was the native american ancestors. I’m sure if I’m wrong about that someone will correct me but I’m rambling here leave me to it!

I believe the last time we were covered in hair was just after the Austalophithicus genus unless of course you’re a creationist in which case we were never covered in hair and bigfoot is the devils creation. God I wish I was built like that the world must be soooo easy to work out from their perspective. Anyway I digress and insult uneccessarily. So I doubt Bigfoot is related to us at all. Except in the same way all primates are related which is quite distantly.

O.K So let’s say it’s an ape. Where does that fit in? Anywhere we bloody want it to we write the charts! KIDDING! Jesus calm down already. There is a theory it’s an extant member of the Gigantophithicus primate genus which apparently were giant apes that lived in the asian area some time ago. Of course that’s a stretch because why would a tropical animal find itself in North America, more importantly how would a tropical animal survive the ice age in North America? Evolution and Adaptability thats how smart ass!

So if it’s not even a mammal what could it be? Hell if i know I put that in for a joke. Isn’t there a legend about a lizardman down in louisiana? Could it be a reptile with brown fuzzy scales? I really doubt it but im open to any ideas here.

Fo

Finally I’m going to play devils advocate and argue the side that it doesn’t exist at all. It’s a fair perspective after all and I want to be fair (except for defending woo you can just fuck off if you think i’m spending energy defending that crap). So what could explain the sightings, footprint casts and above all else the various stories that are passed down from our ancestors? Well I’m guessing media over sensationalism, hysteria, pranksters, attention seekers and hoaxers probably perpetuate the myth. Originally though the natives probably/possibly told stories to the white man of huge hairy men in the woods to scare them off their land and the rest is history.

That’s my take on the whole thing anyway.